Sunday, August 23, 2015

Why Game of Thrones Sucks Monkey Ass

*Spoilers (Obvisouly)*

Also, I wrote this after watching last season's finale. 

So I watched one of my favorite characters in Game of Thrones die (after I had already watched my other favorite characters in Game of Thrones die, right after I watched my other favorite characters die, right after I watched my favorite dire wolf die), and I thought, "I should've just watched LOST again."

Game of Thrones slogan: Welcome to Letdown City. Please allow us to waste your time.

If Game of Thrones proves anything, it's that a story just won't work without a protagonist. You simply can't have 50 different stories (and 500 characters) going at the same time and no main character.

Like, what the fuck is GoT even about? Every time I think that it's gonna round a corner and really come together, someone important dies and ten new characters (who will soon die, too!) are introduced for like two episodes.

I miss the dead ones, and I don't care about the new ones. This second part bears repeating, all caps, and with explicit language.

I DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT THE NEW CHARACTERS. I DON'T TRUST THE WRITERS ANYMORE. THE STORY HAS NO INTEGRITY.

Okay, so I added a little extra.

What is a story without characters that you get to know and love and share the journey with? I would rather that the story have a main character who is a tree that weathers the storm, befriends a family of squirrels, and has big nuts, than a story with a character I love but who dies and leaves me with questions and disappointment and frustration. I didn't watch all those episodes so that I could watch Rob die, then Jon die and now what? Are all my hopes in Theon? Or the younger Stark boys...like the ones that I don't even know they're names and I definitely don't give a shit about? Or even better maybe there will be a NEW character introduced!!! Maybe a unicorn will eat the dragons and Sansa will be the Mother of Unicorns!!

Do some things connect? Yes. Is there always the possibility that some amazing things are going to happen...things I didn't see coming or whatever. Yes.

But they lost me. I simply do not care. The bottom line is that I haven't seen Ned Stark since S1 (because he's dead, or course) and he was Exactly the type of protagonist this type of story could have been built around. Then I threw my chips in for Rob Stark, the next best choice. Dead. Then I put my hopes in the love story of Jon Snow and Ygritte - and that fell to the ground like Ygritte's body with an arrow through it. I was intrigued by Arya and The Hound, but no. Like, what do I have left to be excited about? I can't root for the awesome story of Daenerys Targaryen and Khal Drogo because...well, you get the idea.

So, whatevs.

Will I watch next season. Yes. Why?

Simple...