Saturday, February 9, 2013

My First Negative Review

You know how some authors are really good at creating worlds the reader can get lost in?

Well, brother and sisters, The Maze Runner by James Dashner had me feeling more lost than a blind penguin at Disney World.

I don't get it. I really don't get it. How did this book become a New York Times Bestseller?

This is my first negative review. I'm not a negative person, so it pains me to do this. I also am a strong believer in encouraging others, so again, this is hard for me. I actually wrote a somewhat negative review for a different book yesterday, and then deleted it because I felt bad.

This book pushed me over the limit, though.  I hated it that much.

The Maze Runner was an easy buy at the bookstore. No girls in flowy dresses on the cover. I didn't have to avoid eye contact with the cashier when handing it over. I was just a manly man buying a manly book written by a man.

It was awful. I laughed at it, not with it. I rolled my eyes at how the plot unfolded. I looked out my window at the happy clouds to calm myself.

I literally hated the characters. I wanted them all to die. They made up all these weird words that confused me. They were inconsistent and unbelievable. I think they were all raging alcoholics. They were always slamming their fists on the table and yelling, then being completely normal in the next sentence.

"Hi, Jimmy.  That's a cute puppy."

"WHAT THE HELL YOU TALKIN' BOUT? BASTARD!!!!!" says Jimmy, grabbing the kid next to him and biting his ears off.

"I just wanted you to know I like your puppy.

"Oh, that's cool.  So how have you been?"

That's what it felt like.

There was one girl. She was annoying and unbelievable. Her and the super annoying main character get along great. I think they even have a little insta-like. This works out great cuz they're both annoying as hell. They can grow up and make annoying, confusing, unbelievable, undeveloped character babies together.

I couldn't picture anything in this book. If it wasn't for the picture on the cover, I would have pictured nothing. Actually, I would have probably just pictured Jessica Alba eating a Chipotle burrito. That would have been a much more enjoyable experience. All I really knew was that a bunch of boys were in compound thing and every day they run out in a maze and try to find an exit.

Yeah. So exciting.

There's these things that will get the characters if they stay in the maze at night. They're called...grievers. These have the weirdest descriptions of anything I've ever read. I have no idea what they are, or what they look like, or what they do, or...

Slimy squishy cows with blades and saws that come out of them? What?

The worst part of all is that there's no real action until page 200. I'm serious. I wanted to quit on pages 20, 40, 53, 67, 82, 109, 121, 134, 145, 159, 170, 189, 200.

Finally, the last hundred pages delivers a little action and some answers.  But, at that point...WHO GIVES A RAT'S ASS?

It's kinda like stopping at the gas station on your way to the prison to serve your life sentence and buying the $300 million dollar winning lotto ticket.

It doesn't matter.  It's too late.

All these characters where getting killed and the main character was so tore up and I was like, "So who just died?" I felt like a serial killer laughing at the character deaths. I started getting a kick out of how the main character cared so much every time someone died. And the author would go on and on about it like it was soooo emotional.  I was still like, "So who just died?"

The only emotions I felt reading this book were frustration and annoyance. Ok that's not true. I got a little excited thinking about Jessica Alba, but that had nothing to do with the book.

I give The Maze Runner 2 out of 5 slimy cows.





  

18 comments:

  1. Well then. Tell us how you really feel! Actually, I'm glad you did, because this has been on my maybe list for a while now. I think I can slide it on over into the no thanks pile.

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  2. I can't even imagine what your first review must have looked like. YIKES! Especially after I read:

    "The Maze Runner by James Dashner had me feeling more lost than a blind penguin at Disney World."

    haha Thumbs up for honesty. :)

    I will be taking this book off my TBR list.

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  3. Your reviews never disappoint. Even when they're negative! :)

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  4. I found Maze Runner confusing as well. I didn't despise it, but I also didn't particularly like it. Ah, well.

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  5. Writing negative reviews is hard--a lot harder than I thought when I first started blogging. I'm sorry that the book disappointed you. Hopefully you'll read you enjoy next :).

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  6. Aw! I liked the book. If you didn't like this one, you won't like the two that follow. This one is the best in the trilogy. For me, at least.
    Don't hate the girl, she's a hero. LOL!
    Oh, and by the way, the movie is set to come out on Feb 14, 2014! I don't think you'll watch it after hating the book. But you're review was awesome, funny, and kind of true.

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  7. I liked the book :p was a great read honestly, but we all have different personalitys :p

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  8. First - you should probably work on your grammar. I noticed a lot of flaws with that, and it kind of bugged me. I'm not trying to be offensive, but I'm a bit of a grammar Nazi, so I'm sorry if you take this particular comment the wrong way.
    Second - Funny, very funny. But I strongly disagree. The whole point of the book is to be confused about what's going on so that you will continue reading. The whole series unfolds like a puzzle, and each piece has its perfect fit. Actually, that's the point of pretty much every dystopian novel I've read - and I've read a lot. So if you don't like that kind of thing, you probably shouldn't be reading what's "in" right now, because most of that is dystopian. It may also make a difference that I accidentally read the books out of order - starting with the third book. I didn't realize it was a trilogy, so I understood what was going on in the first book because all of the answers were given in the third, although I would have loved it and continued reading either way, especially since the second book is the best (in my opinion).
    Third - to all the people saying that they're not going to read The Maze Runner now because of this review, you should think for yourself and read it anyway if it was on your list. I know that I myself would strongly recommend it, but it's not for everyone. You shouldn't base your views on the book off of one negative review if you haven't read it. Have you heard the saying "Don't judge a book by its cover?" Well, it's pretty much the same principal. We all have different tastes, and just because this one person - or several people - didn't like it doesn't mean that you won't. Most of the reviews I've seen of TMR were very good, and on Amazon it has an average of 4.2/5 stars as a rating. 404 of the reviews gave it 5 stars, and 214 gave it 4 stars, which proves that, overall, it's accepted as a very good book by the majority of the people who have read it.
    Just my two cents, if anyone even cares.

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    1. I couldn't agree more!

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    2. amazon reviews don't mean crap. people who like something are more likely to bother to rate it. in reality, there may be 404 people who logged onto amazon to give it 5 stars but there are tens of thousands who couldn't get past the first few pages and would have rated it a 1/5 if they cared enough.

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  9. I think it's good that you didn't like this book. Not every book out there is going to wow every person. One of my graduate professors has recommended this book for me, and even before reading your take on it I was a bit hesitant to read it. It's still on my to-read list, but it'll be interesting coming at it with your review in the back of my head. Really, its the only review I've read of it (but that's because I wan't really looking).

    But, back to main point here. I'm glad that you didn't like it, and I'm glad that you backed up WHY you didn't like it. For me, I think it's easier to write a negative review. I know what doesn't work and why. Good books, I'm just like "woah, that was awesome" and pretty much leave it at that.

    Caroline @ Prose Before Woes

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    1. Thanks, Caroline. If you do end up reading it, let me know what you think!

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  10. I have never had a slight bit of interest in reading these books - the covers, summary, and even positive reviews have done nothing to entice me. Your the first negative review that I have read - couldn't help but giggle, this would prob be my review too. Not a huge dystopian fan, so I'm very very choosy when I do read one.
    Thanks for your blunt and honest review!

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  11. I'm sorry, but have you caught the flare?

    How can you hate this book that much? The amount of hate you displayed in this review just confuses me. Having recently read the book, none of your claims seem valid in my eyes. The characters are well developed and each have their own personality. The plot is unique and thrilling. The world building it fantastic, especially when it all takes place in generally the same area. The beginning was a bit slow, but it makes sense based on what had happened to the characters.

    People, don't be discouraged to read the book just because he disliked it. Make up your own mind and don't base your opinions on others.

    Nothing infuriates me more than watching people read a negative review for a book they were about to read and then get put off by it.

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  12. The first thing I thought when I heard the movie rights had been optioned was what will the grievers look like. I couldn't picture them AT ALL.

    I think this book is a big hit because it came out pretty early in the Dystopian trend, it had a male MC, AND it had suspense. I liked it, but never bothered to read the rest.

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  13. I completely agree with this review. I picked up this book because the cover looked like it would be action packed and exciting, but nothing does happen till pg 200. And I was so confused with all the nicknames and couldn't picture the creatures either. Also, can we talk about how I was reading this book Dec 21..you know ..the day the world was supposed to end and my state had 100 mph winds that night haha. It was a creepy coincidence!

    Anyways, the whole point of blogging reviews is to state your opinion. Why is it okay to rave about a book, but not okay to say you strongly disliked a book? If you raved about every book you reviewed I probably wouldn't trust your reviews. Ya people shouldn't say they won't read a book because of one review, but chances are if they weren't sure about it before they probably weren't going to read it anyway. Keep doing what you're doing, you're hilarious.

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