You know how some authors are really good at creating worlds the reader can get lost in?
Well, brother and sisters, The Maze Runner by James Dashner had me feeling more lost than a blind penguin at Disney World.
I don't get it. I really don't get it. How did this book become a New York Times Bestseller?
This is my first negative review. I'm not a negative person, so it pains me to do this. I also am a strong believer in encouraging others, so again, this is hard for me. I actually wrote a somewhat negative review for a different book yesterday, and then deleted it because I felt bad.
This book pushed me over the limit, though. I hated it that much.
The Maze Runner was an easy buy at the bookstore. No girls in flowy dresses on the cover. I didn't have to avoid eye contact with the cashier when handing it over. I was just a manly man buying a manly book written by a man.
It was awful. I laughed at it, not with it. I rolled my eyes at how the plot unfolded. I looked out my window at the happy clouds to calm myself.
I literally hated the characters. I wanted them all to die. They made up all these weird words that confused me. They were inconsistent and unbelievable. I think they were all raging alcoholics. They were always slamming their fists on the table and yelling, then being completely normal in the next sentence.
"Hi, Jimmy. That's a cute puppy."
"WHAT THE HELL YOU TALKIN' BOUT? BASTARD!!!!!" says Jimmy, grabbing the kid next to him and biting his ears off.
"I just wanted you to know I like your puppy.
"Oh, that's cool. So how have you been?"
That's what it felt like.
There was one girl. She was annoying and unbelievable. Her and the super annoying main character get along great. I think they even have a little insta-like. This works out great cuz they're both annoying as hell. They can grow up and make annoying, confusing, unbelievable, undeveloped character babies together.
I couldn't picture anything in this book. If it wasn't for the picture on the cover, I would have pictured nothing. Actually, I would have probably just pictured Jessica Alba eating a Chipotle burrito. That would have been a much more enjoyable experience. All I really knew was that a bunch of boys were in compound thing and every day they run out in a maze and try to find an exit.
Yeah. So exciting.
There's these things that will get the characters if they stay in the maze at night. They're called...grievers. These have the weirdest descriptions of anything I've ever read. I have no idea what they are, or what they look like, or what they do, or...
Slimy squishy cows with blades and saws that come out of them? What?
The worst part of all is that there's no real action until page 200. I'm serious. I wanted to quit on pages 20, 40, 53, 67, 82, 109, 121, 134, 145, 159, 170, 189, 200.
Finally, the last hundred pages delivers a little action and some answers. But, at that point...WHO GIVES A RAT'S ASS?
It's kinda like stopping at the gas station on your way to the prison to serve your life sentence and buying the $300 million dollar winning lotto ticket.
It doesn't matter. It's too late.
All these characters where getting killed and the main character was so tore up and I was like, "So who just died?" I felt like a serial killer laughing at the character deaths. I started getting a kick out of how the main character cared so much every time someone died. And the author would go on and on about it like it was soooo emotional. I was still like, "So who just died?"
The only emotions I felt reading this book were frustration and annoyance. Ok that's not true. I got a little excited thinking about Jessica Alba, but that had nothing to do with the book.
I give The Maze Runner 2 out of 5 slimy cows.