RAP BATTLE

Wild Awake Rap Battle

May 28th at 7:00 p.m. (Central)

Here.

The victim? Hilary T. Smith

On May 28th at 7:00 (central) I'll be starting off the battle with some dope lyricals in a blog post. Hilary will respond (if she shows) in the comments section of the post. You are encouraged to join in the rap battle. Hilary will have some signed hardcover copies of Wild Awake to give away, but you'll have to impress her with yo skillz!! I, on the other hand, will be giving away a Chipotle E-card! That's right, bitch nachos. 

If you haven't read Wild Awake that's ok! Just flow freestyle, yo. We'll be taking sides with the characters in the book and all you have to do is join in! If you didn't get your hands on a copy yet and are worried you won't know what to rap about...it's cool. Just roll wit it. 

If you wanna see how it works, check this rap battle I had with Trish Doller.

*This is %100 my idea. No one asked me to do this and I'm not being compensated for nuthin' y'all! 

FanManing Over Veronica Rossi

Where do I even start?

Veronica Rossi is simply perfection.

It's like she has an unlimited supply of Felix Felicis.

Her books are like Chipotle burritos: well proportioned, magical, and addictive. No matter how much you have, you always want more.

If you haven't read Under the Never Sky and/or Through the Ever Night, then we can't be friends. Also, what's wrong with you? Are you dead? Petrified? Too busy waiting for the return of the Dark Lord?

Have you never seen Veronica Rossi?

HELLO?!

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Now, I'm not saying you should run out and buy a book because the author is *clears throat* nice looking, but in this case, go for it! (Don't judge me, I'm FanManing).

I finally read Through the Ever Night by Veronica Rossi. I loved it. I freaking loved it. It took me a long time to finish it, but what the hell am I supposed to do when there's a picture of a Brazilian Goddess in the back? Not stare for ten minutes? Please...

What's that? The book? Oh, right.

Through the Ever Night is awesome. It's everything I want in a story. The world is original, and there's nothing better than that. You know what I mean? When I read a story and there is mention of a dragon, I picture a dragon. It doesn't matter how badly the author wants me to picture how different his/her dragon is...I just picture a dragon. I've seen dragons on movies and book covers enough to have formed my own idea of what a dragon looks like. Call me lazy, but it is what it is. With Veronica Rossi's books I get to picture things I've never pictured before and go places I've never imagined, and that's why I like reading.

Through the Ever Night has some of the best characters ever. Not only are the two main characters, Aria and Perry, great, but the hundreds (maybe thousands or millions) of supporting characters are just as awesome!

When multiple characters have their own separate motivations and conflicts it makes for a complex, rich, interlaced story.

Let me give you an example...

I took my 8-year-old son to Chipotle the other day.

"Dad, can I get my own burrito?"

I hesitated. He's one of the smallest, skinniest kids in his grade. He's not much bigger than the burrito he's asking me to buy.

"O...k, are you sure you don't want to just share?"

"No. I want my own."

I watched in horror as he filled his burrito with nothing more than rice, beans, and cheese. Would it be tasty? Yes. Was he missing out? Yes. Was I going to have to pay full price? Yes.

I looked down at him like Barty Crouch looked down at Barty Crouch Jr., and I said, "You're no son of mine!"

His burrito was like a book with too few likeable characters. Good, but it could be so much better.

Veronica Rossi's books are like overfilled burritos that rip the tortilla and have to be wrapped in a second tortilla so they don't explode on you (which would be perfectly fine and has happened to me many times).

I think my favorite character is Kirra. What a sneaky, snakey, seducer...and yet, I found myself liking her! I should have been thinking, "No Perry! Run! She's tricking you! She's evil!" But, no. I was like, "Perry, you jerk. Can't you see she likes you? Who cares that she's only seducing you to hurt you?! You can't leave her on the beach like that!"

I'm such a loser.

If you haven't read Veronica Rossi's books. Read them. They're everything YA should be.

I give Through the Ever Night 5 out of 5 Brazilian Goddesses holding overstuffed burritos.


Dear Veronica Rossi's husband, 

Please don't beat me up. 

:)

Dualed

Elsie Chapman is one of the first authors I ever followed on Twitter. I think it was 100 years ago.

I had just started to read YA and I was searching for other adults who might "understand me." I found them on Twitter.

I came across Elsie and read about her upcoming book, Dualed. The synopsis worked. I was hooked.

The downside to finding Elsie when I did was THE WAIT. It's like walking in to Chipotle, starving. And then seeing the extra long line, and the rookie employees's taking forever to fill burritos, and everyone in front of you paying with cash and taking for forever instead of swiping a card through Chipotle's lightning fast system.

Waiting sucks.

I started talking to Elsie on Twitter (at the time I was using a different Twitter account), and to my surprise she was kind enough to talk back!

That made me feel cool, so I legally changed the names of my three children to Elsie, Elsei, and ChipotleJessicaAlba.

A few weeks ago my son and I were in the YA section of BAM. That's right, my son and I were in the YA section at BAM with all the teenage girls. Normally, my 11-year-old son is only interested in the teenage girls who are there, but that particular day I was determined to get his attention with a book!! It was Dualed.

"Oh look, I've been waiting for this!" I said, pulling Dualed of the shelf and showing my son the awesome cover.

"Cool," said my son, still looking at a 13-year-old girl who was browsing the books on the shelf behind us.

Realizing that the simple mention of a book was no match for the mind control that the 13-year-old girl had on my son, I decided to bring out the big guns.

"Oh, yeah...I KNOW THE AUTHOR," I said, loud enough to grab his attention, as well as the attention of everyone in the store (including 13-year-old mind controller girl).

It worked.

"YOU KNOW THE AUTHOR? THAT'S COOL! It's really cool THAT YOU KNOW THE AUTHOR," he said (shouted), glancing back at 13-year-old girl.

13-year-old mind control girl looked at Dualed, then looked at me with doubt in her evil eyes. Then the little hater walked away. She was just jealous that I knew Elsie Chapman and SHE didn't.

"How do you know the author?" my son asked.

"Twitter."

"So you don't really know her?"

I hesitated, then said, "Well...I mean...I...Oh, shut up, you're grounded."


Dualed by Elsie Chapman did not disappoint me.

In the world of Dualed, there are two of everyone, born to different families and living completely separate lives. Every person has an Alt, and at some point, the "Board" will push a button and it's Alt against Alt...to the death.

So, you would basically be looking for you, even though it's not you, and trying to kill you, even though it's not really you, and other you is trying to kill you, too.

I'm making sound confusing on purpose (because that's how I am), but it's really not confusing at all when you read it.

It's a crazy idea. I'm not saying it makes much sense, but I don't analyze stories too deeply (as in, my brain don't be think'n), so it worked out. If a story keeps my attention, then I keep reading. If I like the characters, then I keep reading. Period (I spelled out "Period" to over-emphasize that I'm unwilling to discuss the matter further, not because it's the end of the sentence).

Seriously. What would you do if you had a short amount of time to hunt down a person that is exactly like you, and that person was hunting you at the same time? At some point you would find each other and be faced with...you! Could you kill you?

Dualed is a fun read. Knowing that West either has to kill or be killed drives the story.

I don't recommend it for those who only like stories with complex worlds and 16-dimensional characters.

I do recommend it for those who like quick, action-packed reads that make you ask yourself, "What would it be like if that were me?"

I give Dualed 4 out of 5 stars. That's right, stars. I can give stars too, ya know.

Creepy Zombie Babies

In case there ever really is a zombie apocalypse...

Please, please don't cradle a zombie baby like it's a real baby. Just don't.

*As usual, there will probably be spoilers in this review.

I read The Forest of Hands and Teeth and loved it!

Wow. I read a zombie book. I never thought that day would come.

Let me be clear: I DON'T LIKE ZOMBIE STUFF. I think it's weird. I didn't like the zombies in the story, I liked everything else. If Carrie Ryan replaced "zombies" with "ghosts" or "little Ryan Seacrests," it wouldn't have made a difference to me (although imagining little Ryan Seacrests trying to attack people is kinda funny).

I loved the title! It's so perfect for the story.

I loved the cover, too. I have the one with the one-eyed girl that stares at me like she's gonna kill me.

The writing was great. I was never confused (which is easy to do!), and I was definitely rooting for Mary. I really liked how Carrie Ryan weaved a faith/religion aspect into a zombie novel. Very different, but very cool.

The romance part of the story was a bit odd. I wasn't always sure who Mary loved (if anyone), and thinking about it distracted me at times. But, trying to figure out how Mary's "brotherly love" thing was gonna turn out kept me guessing, and that obviously kept me reading.

There were multiple factors driving me through the story. Will she escape? Who will she marry? What the hell is that scary ass sister-nun-thing-lady gonna do next? Who is the girl? Tunnels? Gates?

While reading, I had a sense of fear. Not like overwhelming, terrorizing, nightmare fear, but like, "I think a spider just crawled across my face while I'm lying in bed" fear. The zombies were pulling at the fence, groaning and moaning and being zombies for THE ENTIRE FREAKING STORY! There was no rest from it, and I think the thought of that is what unsettled me. It would be like having to listen to Pitbull all day every day.

There was one super weird scene that had me all like, "WTF?!"

Mary finds a zombie baby and like...loves on it. It was so weird. That was the only part of the story that I really felt validated for not liking zombie stuff. Who hugs a freaking zombie baby? Just throw it's zombie baby ass out the window!

I give The Forest of Hands and Teeth 4 out of 5 Creepy Zombie Babies.

I strongly recommend it! Even if you're like me and you don't care for zombie stuff, there's enough going on in the story to win you over.

Also, I think there should be a ban on books that have creepy zombie babies.

New Ryan Gosling Pictures!

Happy April Fools' Day, Suckers!

Yo, Sucker!

I was about to read Sucker Literary an anthology, so I looked up "anthology" to see what it meant.

Wikipedia, here I come.

I accidentally typed in "anthropology" and I was like, "Oh, shit...this is gonna suck." Of course, I eventually realized I caan't speelll, and picked up the book.

After I finished staring at the multi-colored sucker on the cover (and licked it twice), I began to read.

This is the second volume of Sucker Literary. It contains nine short YA stories, all very different from each other.

I haven't read many short stories, just the Harry Potter series, so this was exciting for me.

I experienced a range of emotions. I went from laughing my ass off at the end of the first story, to checking the cover to make sure I wasn't accidentally reading 50 Shades of YA, to deep thinking on some of life's important questions (which doesn't take much for me).

I love Sucker Literary. I love that aspiring (or established) YA authors have an opportunity to submit their writing, and potentially be showcased in a blossoming anthology (not anthropology!). Soon after, they're sure to find fame and fortune and TMZ weirdos following them around.

All the stories were excellent. And, in the back of the book, everyone involved in this volume has a picture of themselves with a sucker. I know you probably haven't seen it yet, but I'm awarding Laura Jones the Eyes Closed, Nice Lips, and About to Kiss a Sucker award.

No one asked me to suggest this, but I think all of you should support this YA anthology and not only order it, but submit your writing to it.

Go to the Sucker Literary website and give em' hell.

Also, their t-shirts are awesome.

Insignia

*Spoilers

The moral of the story is: DON'T LET ANYONE PUT A FREAKING COMPUTER IN YOUR BRAIN.

There. I had to get that off my chest.

This is not my kind of book, but I really liked it.

I don't play video games and I'm not interested in technology or politics. Insignia is full of all these things (and much more).

I struggled in the beginning of the book. I liked the main character, but I wasn't sure how to picture the video games he was playing. It reminded me of Ender's Game, which I hated (I know...crucify me). But, it ended up being a million times better than Ender's Game.

As I read more I began to easily picture what was happening and I became accustomed to the cool "tech" talk. I actually started feeling cool myself, but then I remembered I wasn't. (This is the part where you feel sorry for me and think of really neat-o ways to describe how cool I am in the comments section.)

I loved the characters. I like books that give me more than one or two characters to be friends with. And even a few to be enemies with.

I liked that Insignia had me guessing. Who is Medusa? What the hell is wrong with Blackburn? Is someone a spy or not? Does Wyatt like Tom or Yuri?

I didn't like the idea of having a computer thingy stuck in a person's brain. But, it was kinda interesting to see the characters giving each other viruses (get your mind outta the gutter!).

I really, really liked the main character Tom and his friend Vik. They made me lol ("laugh out loud" for you older folks) multiple times. They were realistic teenage boy characters.

I think my favorite part of the book is when Tom had to have his brain scanned through all his memories and Blackburn could see them playing out on a screen. What does Tom think about? What every teenage boy thinks about: his sculpted abs blazing as his female classmate's clothes fall off and they run to him for protection. I was like, "Damn! S.J. Kincaid stole my teenage mind."

Let's all agree that if the technology to do that ever shows up, we destroy it. Agreed?

I'm giving Insignia by S.J. Kincaid 4 out of 5 viruses.

And with that, it's good to be back.

P.S. When I left this city six months ago, there was no Chipotle. There is now a Chipotle. This may or may not have had something to do with my willingness to move here.